what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
