just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
