Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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