Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
