i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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