My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i dont even know how to be here
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize