Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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