How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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