Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
