the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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