It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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