His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
