Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
