Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
