so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
