Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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