So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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