so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
