you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
