He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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