I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
