there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
