i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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