Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
