He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
