Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
