If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
