I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
