and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
