Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
