1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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