I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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