the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize