when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't deserve a penis
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize