Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
