At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
