Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize