Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
