Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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