Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
