Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
