About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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