I feel like abortions should bother me more
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
