what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
