He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
