why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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