I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
