Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
