Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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