Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
