I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
smell my finger.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
