i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
