i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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