Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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