No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
