I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
