took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
