i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
