Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
