I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
