I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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