after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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