im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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