the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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