is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
