If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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