he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
