When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
