swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
