It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
