Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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