nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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