"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
