i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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