Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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