What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
