well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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