a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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