i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
