He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
