did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
