don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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