I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
