dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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