New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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