do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
