Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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