Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
