Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
