You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
