What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
After last night, I could never be a politician.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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