I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize