Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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