I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
