before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
