He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
