mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
