I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
