It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
