I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
