I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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