I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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