I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
