Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
