he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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