I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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