I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My vagina is officially offended.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
