I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
