I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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