He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
