I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
