we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
