What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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