my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
