Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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