the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
