You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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