he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
