There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize