So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
