and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
