Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
